Lyric Jesse Ranoni...1094 days later
By Karen Ranoni on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 10:07am
Nothing reminds you of how time flies by like your children's birthdays. I always get a sense of dread, sadness or maybe loss when I celebrate one of my children's birthdays. As much as I try not to take the shine out of or attention away from the joy in my children's milestones there is an undeniable mood that lingers throughout the celebration of these exciting holidays & birthdays.
It's almost as if while the day is marching on and the excitement is in the air; I can almost hear a clock ticking in the background reminding me that as happy and exciting as the birthdays and passing holidays are, realistically they are an unwelcome countdown. They are bringing me (unwillingly I might add) one step closer to "the day" when they are independent, working, adults. I know this must sound really self serving and almost depressing but if I'm being honest I have to acknowledge the things I just described. As I worry about the passing time I also feel shameful that I'm robbing the present to spend time worrying about the future. I have a really bad habit of worrying about things that are years to come or may never happen; I'm a scenario setter (yes I just made that up... purely speculative/counterproductive-scenario setter, look for it as a future trending topic LOL).
I do not know if I am (and I hope I am not) alone in this feeling or if we all feel the same and just don't speak of it. But it is an isolating feeling. I certainly would not spend my son's birthday complaining to our guests how his birthdays make me feel like I would rather be in bed with a bottle of wine watching video's of his first 3 years on repeat so I can torture myself with thoughts of how his future wife will steal him from me; as you can bet I'm already convinced there is no female alive that will be good enough for him.
Ugh, I hate that this is how I feel, it makes me feel guilty and ugly but it's my truth and I hope as he grows I will in return come to terms with my only son becoming a man...SOMEDAY, in the future...a LONGGGG time from now. hahaha.
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| Kisses from mom <3 |
Tomorrow my son Lyric turns 3... In 3 years he has grown from a baby to a little boy, he went from hours spent in my arms to hours playing in his room. He was willingly mine for the 1st yr, I shared him with no one.. I was his everything. The only person he looked for in a room filled with people...The 2nd year I saw his need for me slipping away and his interest in the world around him blossom, everything was something new and worth investigating, I became more like furniture, available if he got tired or a lap that felt safe. The one seat in the world always available to him, never occupied. I’m learning quickly to hold on tight to any opportunity he gives me to rock him in the chair when everyone else is sleeping. I take as long as he'll allow me to rub lotion on him after his baths, I know I can get the best minutes of my day stealing sleepy kisses he'll only give me right before he falls asleep. The taller he gets, as each year rolls by faster than the last I’m trying my hardest to hold on for dear life. I will never stop learning him, I will never take a minute off from my search to find holes in his life that I can fill with myself...opportunities to remind him that my love is unconditional. I love you Lyric Jesse Ranoni...no matter how many times you correct me because you think your Lj and not baby Lyric, no matter how fast or smart or tall or far you go...My love is the one thing you can never outgrow.
Leaving to look at Christmas lights 2009
Lyric wearing aviators and breaking hearts
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